Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ’s Childhood Pal Chapter 28

Chapter 28Joshuas ministry was three years of preaching, sometimes three times a day, and although there were some high and low points, I could never look on the sermons sound go forth for word, scarcely heres the gist of almost every sermon I ever heard Joshua give.You should be nice to people, even creeps.And if youa) believed that Joshua was the Son of God (and)b) he had act upon expose to render you from sin (and)c) ack at one timeledged the Holy Spirit within you (became as a little child, he would say)(and)d) didnt blaspheme the Holy Ghost ( envision c), thence(prenominal) you woulde) live foreverf) someplace niceg) probably heaven.However, if youh) sinned (and/or)i) were a hypocrite (and/or)j) valued things over people (and)k) didnt do a, b, c, and d,then you werel) fuckedWhich is the message that Joshuas father had precondition over him so m some(prenominal) years ago, and which seemed, at the time, succinct to the point of rudeness, only when made more sense after you listened to a few hundred sermons.Thats what he taught, thats what we learned, thats what we passed on to the people in the towns of Galilee. Not everybody was good at it, however, and some seemed to miss the point al unneurotic. One day Joshua, Maggie, and I returned from preaching in Cana to hap Bartholomew sitting by the synagogue at Capernaum, preaching the Gospel to a semicircle of dogs that sat around him. The dogs seemed spellbound, but then, Bart was wearing a annexe steak as a hat, so Im not sure it was his discourseing skills that held their attention.Joshua snatched the steak impinge on of Bartholomews intellect and tossed it into the street, where a dozen dogs suddenly found their faith. Bart, Bart, Bart, Josh give tongue to as he shook the big soldiery by the shoulders, dont give whats holy to dogs. Dont cast your pearls onwards swine. Youre wasting the Word.I dont develop any pearls. I am slave to no possessions.Its a metaphor, Bart, Joshua said, deadpan. It means dont give the Word to those who bent ready to receive it.You mean alike(p) when you drowned the swine in Decapolis? They werent ready for it?Joshua looked at me for help. I shrugged.Maggie said, Thats incisively counterbalance, Bart. You got it.Oh, why didnt you say so? Bart said. Okay guys, were off to preach the Word in Magdala. He climbed to his feet and led his pack of disciples toward the lake.Joshua looked at Maggie. Thats not what I meant at every(prenominal).Yes it is, she said, then she took off to find Johanna and Susanna, two women who had joined us and were learning to preach the gospel.Thats not what I meant, Joshua said to me.Have you ever win an argument with her?He shook his head.Then say amen and lets go see what Peters wife has cooked up.The disciples were garnered around tot forthside of Peters house, sitting on the logs we had arranged in a circle around a fire pit. They were all looking down and seemed to be caught in some glum prayer. Even Ma tthew was there, when he should construct been at his job collecting taxes in Magdala.Whats wrong? asked Joshua.John the Baptist is dead, said Philip.What? Joshua sat down on the log next to Peter and leaned over against him.We just precept Bartholomew, I said. He didnt say anything around it.We just found out, said Andrew. Matthew just brought the news from Tiberius.It was the first time since hed joined us that Id seen Matthew without the light of extravagance in his face. He might have aged ten years in the last few hours. Herod had him beheaded, he said.I thought Herod was afraid of John, I said. It was rumored that Herod had kept John alive because he actually believed him to be the Messiah and was afraid of the wrath of God should the holy earth perish.It was at the request of his step little girl, said Matthew. John was killed at the behest of a teenage slut.Well, jeez, if he wasnt dead already, the irony would have killed him, I said.Joshua stared into the dirt before him, thinking or praying, I couldnt tell. finally he said, Johns chase impart be like babes in the wilderness.Thirsty? guessed Nathaniel.Hungry? guessed Peter.Horny? guessed doubting doubting doubting doubting Thomas.No, you dumbfucks, unconnected. Theyll be lost I said. Jeez.Joshua stood. Philip, Thaddeus, go to Judea, tell Johns followers that they are welcome here. Tell them that Johns work is not lost. Bring them here.But master, Judas said, John has thousands of followers. If they come here, how will we feed them?Hes new, I explained.The next day was the Sabbath, and in the morning as we all headed to the synagogue, an one-time(a) man in fine clothes ran out of the bushes and threw himself at Joshuas feet. Oh, Rabbi, he wailed, I am the whitethornor of Magdala. My youngest daughter has died. People say that you can be restored the sick and raise the dead, will you help me?Joshua looked around. A half-dozen local Pharisees watched us from diametric points around the vill age. Joshua turned to Peter. cod the Word to the synagogue today. I am going to help this man.Thank you, Rabbi, the rich man gushed. He hurried off and waved for us to follow.Where are you winning us? I asked.Only as far as Magdala, he said.To Joshua I said, Thats farther than a Sabbaths journey allows.I know, Joshua said.As we passed through all of the small villages along the coast on the government agency to Magdala, people came out of their houses and followed us for as long as they dared on a Sabbath, but I could also see the elders, the Pharisees, watching as we went.The mayors house was large for Magdala, and his daughter had her own sleeping room. He led Joshua into the bedchamber where the girl lay. Please save her, Rabbi.Joshua bent down and examined the girl. Go out of here, he said to the old man. Out of the house. When the mayor was g bingle Joshua looked at me. Shes not dead.What?This girl is sleeping. Maybe theyve given her some strong wine, or some sleeping powder , but she is not dead.So this is a trap?I didnt see this one coming either, Joshua said. They conduct me to claim that I raised her from the dead, healed her, when shes only sleeping. Blasphemy and healing on the Sabbath.Let me raise her from the dead, then. I mean, I can do this one if shes only sleeping.Theyll blame me for whatever you do as well. You may be their target too. The local Pharisees didnt devise this themselves.Jakan?Josh nodded. Go get the old man, and gather as many witnesses as you can, Pharisees as well. Make a ruckus.When I had about fifty people gathered in and around the house, Joshua announced, This girl isnt dead, shes sleeping, you incorrect old man. Joshua shook the girl and she sat up rubbing her eyes. Keep watch on your strong wine, old man. Rejoice that you have not lost your daughter, but grieve that you have broken the Sabbath for your ignorance.Then Joshua stormed out and I followed him. When we were a ways down the street he said, Do you think they bought it?Nope, I said.Me either, Joshua said.In the morning a Roman soldier came to Peters house with messages. I was still sleeping when I heard the shouting. I can only speak to Joshua of Nazareth, someone said in Latin.Youll speak to me or youll never speak again, I heard someone else say. (Obviously someone who had no desire to live a long life.) I was up and running in an instant, my tunica waving unbelted behind me. I rounded the corner at Peters house to see Judas facing down a legionnaire. The soldier had partially drawn his short sword.Judas I barked. Back down.I put myself between them. I knew I could unarm the soldier easily, but not the legion that would follow him if I did. Who sends you, soldier?I have a message from Gaius Justus Gallicus, commander of the Sixth Legion, for Joshua bar Joseph of Nazareth. He glared at Judas over my shoulder. But there is nothing in my orders to keep me from killing this dog while delivering it.I turned to face Judas, whose face was on fire with anger. I knew he carried a dagger in his sash, although I hadnt told Joshua about it. Justus is a relay transmitter, Judas.No Roman is the friend of a Jew, said Judas, make no effort whatever to whisper.And at that point, realizing that Joshua hadnt reached our new Zealot recruit with the message of acquitness for all men, and that he was going to get himself killed, I cursorily reached up under Judas tunic, clamped onto his scrotum, squeezed once, rapidly and extremely hard, and after he blasted a mouthful of slobber on my chest, his eyes rolled in his head and he slumped to his knees, unconscious. I caught him and lowered him to the ground so he didnt hit his head. Then I turned to the Roman.Fainting spells, I said. Lets go find Joshua.Justus had sent us three messages from capital of Israel Jakan had indeed dissociate Maggie the Pharisees full council had met and they were plotting to kill Joshua and Herod Antipas had heard of Joshuas miracles and was afraid that he might be the reincarnation of John the Baptist. Justus only face-to-face note was one word Careful.Joshua, you need to hide, said Maggie. Leave Herods territory until things settle down. Go to Decapolis, preach to the gentiles. Herod Philip has no love for his sidekick, his soldiers wont bother you. Maggie had become a fiercely dedicated preacher herself. It was as if she had channeled her personal passion for Joshua into a passion for the Word.Not yet, said Joshua. Not until Philip and Thaddeus return with Johns followers. I will not leave them lost. I need a sermon, one that can serve as if it was my last, one that will sustain the lost while Im gone. Once I deliver it to Galilee, Ill go to Philips territory.I looked at Maggie and she nodded, as if to say, Do what you have to, but protect him.Lets write it then, I said.Like any great speech, the oration on the Mount sounds as if it just happened spontaneously, but actually Joshua and I worked on it for over a week Joshua d ictating and me taking notes on parchment. (I had invented a way of sandwiching a thin piece of charcoal between two pieces of olive wood so that I could write without carrying a quill and inkwell.) We worked in foregoing of Peters house, out in the sauceboat, even on the mountainside where he would deliver the sermon. Joshua wanted to devote a long section of the sermon to adultery, largely, I seduce now, motivated by my relationship with Maggie. Even though Maggie had resolved to stay celibate and preach the Word, I think Joshua wanted to drive the point home.Joshua said, roam in If a man even looks at a woman with lust in his heart, he has committed adultery.Really, you want to go with that? And this If a divorced woman remarries she commits adultery?Yeah.Seems a little harsh. A little Pharisee-ish.I had some people in mind. What do you have?Verily I say unto you I know you like to say verily when youre talking about adultery anyway, Verily I say unto you, that should a man put oil upon a womans naked body, and make her go upon all fours and bark like a dog, while knowing her, if you know what I mean, then he has committed adultery, and surely if a woman do the same thing right back, well she has jumped on the adultery donkey cart herownself. And if a woman should pretend to be a powerful queen, and a man a lowly slave boy, and if she should call him humiliating unwraps and make him lick upon her body, then surely they have sinned like big dogs and woe unto the man if he pretends to be a powerful queen, and Thats enough, Biff.But you want to be specific, dont you. You dont want people to walk around wondering, Hey, is this adultery, or what? Maybe you should roll over.Im not sure that being that specific is a good idea.Okay, how bout this Should a man or a woman have any goings-on with their mutual naughty bits, then it is more than likely they are committing adultery, or at least they should consider it.Well, maybe more specific than that.Come on, Josh, this isnt an lax one like Thou shalt not kill. Basically, there you got a corpse, you got a sin, right?Yes, adultery can be sticky.Well, yesLook, a seagullBiff, I esteem that you feel obliged to be an advocate for your favorite sins, but thats not what I need here. What I need is help writing this sermon. How we doing on the Beatitudes? condone me?The blesseds.Weve got blessed are those who hunger and thirst after righteousness blessed are the slimy in spirit, the pure in heart, the whiners, the mild, the Wait, what are we giving the meek?Lets see, uh, here Blessed are the meek, for to them we shall say, attaboy.A little weak.Yeah.Lets let the meek inherit the earth.Cant you give the earth to the whiners?Well then, cut the whiners and give the earth to the meek.Okay. solid ground to the meek. Here we go. Blessed are the peacemakers, the mourners, and thats it.How many is that?Seven.Not enough. We need one more. How about the dumbfucks?No, Josh, not the dumbfucks. Youve done enough for the dumbfucks. Nathaniel, Thomas Blessed are the dumbfucks for they, uh I dont know they shall never be disappointed.No, Im drawing the line at dumbfucks. Come on, Josh, why cant we have any powerful guys on our team? Why do we have to have the meek, and the poor, the oppressed, and the pissed on? Why cant we, for once, have blessed are the big powerful rich guys with swords?Because they dont need us.Okay, but no Blessed are the dumbfucks.Who then?Sluts?No.How about the wankers? I can think of five or six disciples that would be really blessed.No wankers. Ive got it Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness sake.Okay, better. What are you going to give them?A fruit basket.You cant give the meek the whole earth and these guys a fruit basket.Give them the state of heaven.The poor in spirit got that.Everybody gets some.Okay then, share the Kingdom of Heaven. I wrote it down.We could give the fruit basket to the dumbfucks.NO DUMBFUCKSSorry, I just feel for them.You feel for everyone, Josh. Its your job.Oh yeah. I forgot.We finished writing the sermon only a few hours before Philip and Thaddeus returned from Judea leading three thousand of Johns followers. Joshua had them gather on a hillside above Capernaum, then sent the disciples into the crowd to find the sick and bring them to him. He performed miracles of healing all morning, then coming into the afternoon he gathered us together at the spring below the mountain.Peter said, Theres at least another thousand people from Galilee on the hill, Joshua, and they are hungry.How much viands do we have? Joshua asked.Judas came forward with a basket. Five loaves and two fish.That will do, but youll need more baskets. And about a hundred volunteers to help distribute the food. Nathaniel, you, Bartholomew, and Thomas go into the crowd and find me fifty to a hundred people who have their own baskets. Bring them here. By the time you get back well have the food for them.Judas threw down h is basket. We have five loaves, how do you think Joshua held up his hand for silence and the Zealot clammed up. Judas, today youve seen the lame walk, the blind see, and the deaf hear.Not to commendation the blind hear and the deaf see, I added.Joshua scowled at me. It will relieve oneself little more to feed a few of the faithful.There are but five loaves shouted Judas.Judas, once there was a rich man, who built great barns and granaries so he could save all of the fruits of his wealth long into his old age. But on the very day his barns were finished, the Lord said, Hey, we need you up here. And the rich man did say, Oh shit, Im dead. So what good did his stuff do him?Huh?Dont worry about what youre going to eat.Nathaniel, Bart, and Thomas started off to their ascribeed duty, but Maggie grabbed Nathaniel and held him fast. No, she said. No one does anything until you promise us that youll go into hiding after this sermon.Joshua smiled. How can I hide, Maggie? Who will library paste the Word? Who will heal the sick?We will, Maggie continued. Now promise. Go into the land of the gentiles, out of Herods reach, just until things calm down. Promise or we dont move. Peter and Andrew stepped up behind Maggie to show their support. John and James were nodding as she spoke.So be it, said Joshua. But now we have hungry people to feed.And we federal official them. The loaves and the fish were multiplied, jars were brought in from the surrounding villages and filled with water, which was carried to the mountainside, and all the while the local Pharisees watched and growled and spied, but they hadnt missed the healings, and they didnt miss the Sermon on the Mount, and word of it went back to Jerusalem with their poison reports.Afterward, at the spring by the shore, I gathered up the last of the pieces of bread to take home with us. Joshua came down the shore with a basket over his head, then pulled it off when he got to me.When we said we wanted you to hide we meant something a little less obvious, Joshua. Great sermon, by the way.Joshua started helping me gather up the bread that was strewn around on the ground. I wanted to talk to you and I couldnt get away from the crowd without hiding under the basket. Im having a little worry preaching humbleness.Youre so good at that one. People line up to hear the humility sermon.How can I preach that the humble will be exalted and the exalted will be humbled at the same time Im being exalted by four thousand people?Bodhisattva, Josh. regard as what Gaspar taught you about being a bodhisattva. You dont have to be humble, because you are denying your own ascension by bringing the good news to other people. Youre out of the humility flow, so to speak.Oh yeah. He smiled.But now that you mention it, I said, it does seem a little hypocritical.Im not proud of that.Then youre okay.That evening, when we had all gathered again in Capernaum, Joshua called us to the fire ring in front of Peters house and we wat ched the last gold of the sunlight reflecting on the lake as Joshua led us in a prayer of thanks.Then he made the call Okay, who wants to be an apostle?I do, I do, said Nathaniel. Whats an apostle?Thats a guy who makes drugs, I said.Me, me, said Nathaniel. I want to make drugs.Ill try that, said John.Thats an apothecary, said Matthew. An apothecary mixes powders and makes drugs. Apostle means to send off.Is this kid a whiz, or what, I said, pointing a thumb at Matthew.Thats right, said Joshua, messengers. Youll be sent off to spread the message that the kingdom has come.Isnt that what were doing now? asked Peter.No, now youre disciples, but I want to appoint apostles who will take the Word into the land. There will be twelve, for the twelve tribes of Israel. Ill give you power to heal, and power over devils. Youll be like me, only in a different outfit. Youll take nothing with you except your clothes. Youll live only off the charity of those you preach to. Youll be on your own, like sheep among wolves. People will persecute you and be sick on you, and maybe beat you, and if that happens, well, it happens. Shake off the dust and move on. Now, whos with me?And there was a roaring silence among the disciples.How about you, Maggie?Im not much of a traveler, Josh. Makes me nauseous. Disciples fine with me.How bout you, Biff?Im good. Thanks.Joshua stood up and just counted them off. Nathaniel, Peter, Andrew, Philip, James, John, Thaddeus, Judas, Matthew, Thomas, Bartholomew, and Simon. Youre the apostles. Now get out there and apostilize.And they all looked at each other.Spread the good news, the son of man is here The kingdom is coming. Go Go GoThey got up and sort of milled around.Can we take our wives? asked James.Yes.Or one of the women disciples? asked Matthew.Yes.Can Thomas twain go too?Yes, Thomas dickens can go.Their questions answered, they milled around some more.Biff, Joshua said. Will you assign territories for everybody and send them out?Okey-dokey, I said. Who wants Samaria? No one? Good. Peter, its yours. Give em hell. Caesarea? Come on, you weenies, step upThus were the twelve appointed to their sacred mission.The next morning seventy of the people who wed recruited to help feed the quite a little came to Joshua when they heard about the appointing of the apostles.Why only twelve? one man asked.You all want to cast off what you own, leave your families, and risk persecution and death to spread the good news? Joshua asked.Yes, they all shouted.Joshua looked at me as if he himself couldnt believe it.It was a really good sermon, I said.So be it, said Joshua. Biff, you and Matthew assign territories. Send no one to his hometown. That doesnt seem to work very well.And so the twelve and the seventy were sent out, and Joshua, Maggie, and I went into Decapolis, which was the territory of Herods brother, Philip, and camped and fished and basically hid out. Joshua preached a little, but only to small groups, and although he did heal the sick, he asked them not to tell anyone about the miracles.After three months hiding in Philips territory, word came by boat from across the lake that someone had intervened on Joshuas behalf with the Pharisees and that the death warrant, which had never really been formal, had been lifted. We went home to Capernaum and waited for the apostles to return. Their enthusiasm had waned some after months in the field.It sucks.People are mean.Lepers are creepy.Matthew came out of Judea with more news of Joshuas mysterious benefactor from Jerusalem. His name is Joseph of Arimathea, said Matthew. Hes a wealthy merchant, and he owns ships and vineyards and olive presses. He seems to have the ear of the Pharisees, but he is not one of them. His wealth has given him some influence with the Romans as well. They are considering making him a citizen, I hear.What makes him want to help us? I asked.I talked to him for a long time about the kingdom, and about the Holy Ghost and the rest of Joshuas message. He believes. Matthew smiled broadly, obviously proud of his powerful convert. He wants you to come to his house for dinner, Joshua. In Jerusalem.Are you sure its safe for Joshua there? asked Maggie.Joseph has sent this letter guaranteeing Joshuas safety along with all who accompany him to Jerusalem. Matthew held out the letter.Maggie took the scroll and unrolled it. My name is on this too. And Biffs.Joseph knew you would be coming, and I told him that Biff sticks to Joshua like a leech.Excuse me?I mean, that you accompany the master wherever he travels, Matthew added quickly.But why me? Maggie asked.Your brother Simon who is called Lazarus, he is very sick. Dying. Hes asked for you. Joseph wanted you to know that you would have safe passage.Josh grabbed his satchel and started walking that moment. Lets go, he said. Peter, you are in charge until I return. Biff, Maggie, we need to make Tiberius before dark. Im going to see if I can borrow some camels there. Matthew, you com e too, you know this Joseph. And Thomas, you come along, I want to talk to you.So off we went, into what I was sure were the jaws of a trap.Along the way Joshua called Thomas to walk beside him. Maggie and I walked behind them only a few paces, so we could hear their conversation. Thomas kept stopping to make sure that Thomas Two could keep up with them.They all think Im mad, Thomas said. They caper at me behind my back. Thomas Two has told me.Thomas, you know I can lay my hands upon you and you will be cured. Thomas Two will no longer speak to you. The others wont laugh at you.Thomas walked along for a while without saying anything, but when he looked back at Joshua I could see tears streaking his cheeks. If Thomas Two goes away, then Ill be alone.You wont be alone. Youll have me.Not for long. You dont have long with us.How do you know that?Thomas Two told me.We wont tell the others quite yet, all right, Thomas?Not if you dont want me to. But you wont cure me, will you? You wont m ake Thomas Two go away?No, Joshua said. We may both need an extra friend soon. He patted Thomas on the shoulder, then turned to walk on ahead to catch up with Matthew.Well, dont step on him Thomas shouted.Sorry, said Joshua.I looked at Maggie. Did you hear that?She nodded. You cant let it happen, Biff. He doesnt seem to care about his own life, but I do, and you do, and if you let harm come to him Ill never forgive you.But Maggie, everyone is supposed to be forgiven.Not you. Not if something happens to Josh.So be it. So, hey, once Joshua heals your brother, you want to go do something, get some pomegranate juice, or a falafel, or get married or something?She stopped in her tracks, so I stopped too. Are you ever paying attention to anything that goes on around you?Im sorry, I was overcome by faith there for a moment. What did you say?When we got to Bethany, Martha was waiting for us in the street in front of Simons house. She went right to Joshua and he held out his arms to embrace h er, but when she got to him she pushed him away. My brother is dead, she said. Where were you?I came as soon as I heard.Maggie went to Martha and held her as they both cried. The rest of us stood around feeling awkward. The two old blind guys, Crustus and Abel, whom Joshua had once healed, came over from across the street.Dead, dead and buried four days, said Crustus. He turned a sort of chartreuse at the end.Emerald, it was emerald, not chartreuse, said Abel.My friend Simon truly sleeps, then, Joshua said.Thomas came up and put his hand on Joshuas shoulder. No, master, hes dead. Thomas Two thinks it may have been a hairball. Simon was a leopard, you know?I couldnt stand it. He was a LEPER, you idiot Not a leopard.Well, he IS dead shouted Thomas back. Not sleeping.Joshua was being figurative, he knows hes dead.Do you guys think you could be just a little more insensitive? said Matthew, pointing to the weeping sisters.Look, tax collector, when I want your two shekels Ill ask Where i s he? Joshua asked, his voice booming over the sobs and protests.Martha pushed out of her sisters embrace and looked at Joshua. He bought a tomb in Kidron, said Martha.Take me there, I need to wake my friend.Dead, said Thomas. Dead, dead, dead.There was a sparkle of hope amid the tears in Marthas eyes. Wake him?Dead as a doornail. Dead as Moses. Mmmph Matthew clamped his hand over Thomass mouth, which saved me having to render the twin unconscious with a brick.You believe that Simon will rise from the dead, dont you? asked Joshua.In the end, when the kingdom comes, and everyone is raised, yes, I believe.Do you believe I am who I say I am?Of course.Then show me where my friend lies sleeping.Martha moved like a sleepwalker, her exhaustion and grief driven back just enough for her to lead us up the road to the Mount of Olives and down into the Kidron Valley. Maggie had been deeply shaken by the news of her brothers death as well, so Thomas and Matthew helped her along while I walked wi th Joshua.Four days dead, Josh. Four days. Divine Spark or not, the physical body is empty.Simon will walk again if he is but bone, said Joshua.Okey-dokey. But this has never been one of your better miracles.When we got to the tomb there was a tall, thin, aristocratic man sitting outside eating a fig. He was clean-shaven and his gray hair was cut short like a Romans. If he hadnt worn the two-striped tunic of a Jew I would have thought him a Roman citizen.I thought you would come here, he said. He knelt before Joshua. Rabbi, Im Joseph of Arimathea. I sent word through your disciple Matthew that I wanted to meet with you. How may I serve?Stand up, Joseph. Help roll away this stone.As with many of the big tombs carved into the side of the mountain, there was a large flat stone covering the doorway. Joshua put his arms around Maggie and Martha while the rest of us wrestled with the stone. As soon as the seal was broken I was hit with a stench that gagged me and Thomas actually lost hi s supper in the dirt.He stinks, said Matthew.I thought he would smell more like a cat, said Thomas.Dont make me come over there, Thomas, I said.We pushed the stone as far as it would go, then we ran away gasping for fresh air.Joshua held his arms out as if waiting to embrace his friend. Come out, Simon Lazarus, come out into the light. Nothing but stench came out of the tomb.Come forth, Simon. Come out of that tomb, Joshua commanded.And absolutely nothing happened.Joseph of Arimathea shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot. I wanted to talk to you about the dinner at my house before you got there, Joshua.Joshua held up his hand for silence.Simon, dammit, come out of there.And ever so weakly, there came a voice from inside the tomb. No.What do you mean, no? You have risen from the dead, now come forth. Show these unbelievers that you have risen.I believe, I said.Convinced me, said Matthew.A no is as good as a personal appearance, as far as Im concerned, said Joseph of Arimathea.Im no t sure any of us who had smelled the stench of rotting flesh really wanted to see the source. Even Maggie and Martha seemed a little dubious about their brothers coming out.Simon, get your leprous ass out here, Joshua commanded.But ImIm all icky.Weve all seen icky before, said Joshua. Now come out into the light.My skin is all green, like an unripe olive.Olive green declared Crustus, who had followed us into Kidron. I told you it wasnt chartreuse.What the hell does he know? Hes dead, said Abel.lastly Joshua lowered his arms and stormed into the tomb. I cant believe that you bring a guy back from the dead and he doesnt even have the courtesy to come out WHOA HOLY MOLY Joshua came backing out of the tomb, stiff-legged. Very calmly and quietly, he said, We need clean clothes, and some water to wash with, and bandages, lots of bandages. I can heal him, but we have to sort of get all of his parts stuck back together first.Hold on, Simon, Joshua shouted to the tomb, were getting some sup plies, then Ill come in and heal your affliction.What affliction? asked Simon.